but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
