She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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