you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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