been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
