i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
