I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
