I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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