You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
