The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
