Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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