stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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