I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
