Me. At least after what I've been through.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
