btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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