i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
