3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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