i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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