3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
