I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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