you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
