Will you blow on my dice?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
