Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
