martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize