Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
