I want you more than these girls want KFC
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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