Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
