I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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