Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
