I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
