your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize