I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
