cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
