A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
