My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
