nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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