just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
