This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
