we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
