So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
