And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think I sprained my soul last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize