I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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