walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
