he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
