I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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