when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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