i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We have started to decorate penises.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
