Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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