If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
