you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
