saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize