you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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