P.S. I can't hear my feet
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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