So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
