Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.