I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"