i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
only i would get off to receiving death threats online