It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What changed your mind?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic