The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now