another moral hangover. fuck.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
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I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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