Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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