well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she told me i tasted like america
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
