don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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