Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
