my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
