I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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