You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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