Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
