If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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