We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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