hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
