girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
