Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
