Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
