I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
