a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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