u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
