dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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