I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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