allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
