Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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