alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
