It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
